The Wisdom of Sundays: Life-Changing Insights from Super Soul Conversations

Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could be any different.” It’s accepting the past for what it was and using this moment and this time to help yourself move forward.

There is not one experience, no matter how devastating, no matter how tortuous it may appear to have been, there is nothing that’s ever wasted. Everything that is happening to you is being drawn into your life as a means to help you evolve into who you were really meant to be here on Earth. It’s not the thing that matters, it’s what that thing opens within you.

The energy we put out in the world is the energy we get back. So if you want more love in your life, set your intention to be more loving. If you seek kindness, focus your energy on empathy and compassion. Conversely, if you wonder why there are so many angry people in your life, look no further than the resentment you hold in your own heart.

Everything you blame, you’re stuck with. Bless it. Wish it well. Wish it its own freedom, and it will be very powerful in the way that it will not come back to you. If you don’t forgive it, if you don’t bless it, if you don’t wish it well, the energy will just be magnetically drawn back to you because it’s looking for resolution. All negative energy that we’ve inherited, it’s there because it’s looking for resolution.

The most fundamental lesson that you can take away from Super Soul Sunday is gratitude. Gratitude is its own energy field. When you acknowledge and are grateful for whatever you have, it allows more to be drawn to you and changes the way you experience life. Grace is transformative. The more grateful you are, the more grace mirrors the gratitude that you have.

You will forgive because you love yourself so much that you don’t want to keep hurting yourself for whatever happened. Whatever happened is done and cannot be changed. And we have to accept that and keep going with our life.

Please take responsibility for the energy you bring into this space. I realized that for every relationship, not only do I have to be accountable for the energy I bring, but I also have to take responsibility for the energy that I allow from others. I understand that strengthening the bond in any situation is impossible if you’re not surrounded by energy that lifts you up.

Jack Canfield Every time we are negative about someone else, we are actually affecting ourselves. And the other thing that’s important is every time you judge someone else, it’s just a projection of our own self-judgement. Parts of ourselves we don’t accept. Parts of ourselves we won’t give permission to express. And so basically, the old thing when you’re pointing your finger, there’s three fingers pointing back. And so I always tell people that whatever you focus on, you get more of. So if I’m gossiping about someone that I’m judging or being negative about, then I’m actually creating more negativity inside of me, and I’m not focusing on what I want.

Mercy is like a mirror. I think mercy is what you give to others with the hope that it will come back to you. It’s what you give to people who don’t deserve it. It’s what you give to people who haven’t asked for it. It’s what you give and it will come back. —Bryan Stevenson

David Brooks Oprah: I love how you say we should rank our loves in highs and lows. Tell me what that does. David Brooks: That’s a concept from the great theologian Augustine. And he asked the question, what is sin? When we use the word sin now, we only use the word in the context of fattening deserts. But in traditional morality, it’s the sense that we have something broken. And I don’t like the word sin when it’s meant to suggest we’re dark and depraved inside. But Augustine had a beautiful formula. He said, “We sin when we have our loves out of order.” And what he meant by that— Oprah: Oh, this is good. “We sin when we have our loves out of order.” Yes. David: So we all love a lot of things. We love family. We love money. We love a little affection. Status. Truth. And we all know that some loves are higher. We know that our love of family is higher than our love of money. Or our love of truth should be higher than our love of money. And if we’re lying to get money, we’re putting our loves out of order. And so sometimes just by our nature, we get them out of order. So, for example, if a friend tells you a secret, and you blab it at a dinner party, you’re putting your love of popularity above your love of friendship. And we know that’s wrong. That’s the wrong order. And so it’s useful to sit down and say, “What do I love? What are the things I really love? And in what order do I love them? Am I spending time on my highest love? Or am I spending time on a lower love?

Begin to notice what you have in your life that you are grateful for and when you look at life through the lens of gratitude, you don’t see as many obstacles or hindrances. You see potential, you see possibilities. Then you become an open vehicle for more inspiration, more wisdom, more guidance, coming from the spiritual part of your being.

Love is when you choose to be at your best when the other person is not at their best.

It’s been found that if you wake up every morning and practice saying three things you are grateful for—they have to be new each day—by doing this for twenty-one days, even people who were testing as the low-level pessimist on average were now testing as low-level optimist.

Mastin Kipp Follow your bliss. So that means pay attention to those moments when you’re lit up, when time just flies by. When you’re in that field of joyful expression, which is generally in contribution and being in service of some kind. Some sense of connection in your life. And then to be able to take action in that direction and trust that as you step, something will come to support you. So instead of, What can I get? How can I take? How can I manipulate? the question is, What can I give? And when you look at what makes you happy, what makes you come alive, as in following your bliss, you look at those patterns, because if you look back, they’re there. And you step out into that.

The best way to be in the present moment is to be aware that you’re not in the moment. As soon as you’re aware that you’re not in the moment, you’re in the moment.

If you are not in control of the development of your life, or aware that your life needs developing, and you are just waking up every morning, going to a job, going through the motions, getting your paycheck, then really it’s sort of like being the walking dead.

The old thing when you're pointing your finger, there's three fingers pointing back. And so I always tell people that whatever you focus on, you get more of. So if I'm gossiping about someone that I'm judging or being negative about, then I'm actually creating more negativity inside of me, and I'm not focusing on what I want.

Turn your heart toward what is good by cultivating forgiveness and compassion and mindful presence.

Michael Singer And the reason it becomes a spiritual experience is because you’ve realized you are causing the vast majority of your own problems, due to your mental reactions. So as life unfolds on a daily basis, you have the right to choose not to do that. You can still go to work, you still take care of the kids, you just lean away from this mess that the mind is doing to amplify and overemphasize or overexaggerate whatever’s going on. Oprah: And then what do we do? Lean into what that awareness is saying? Michael: What will happen is when you let go of the noisy mind, you will end up in a seat of quiet, because that’s what it is back there: quiet. Oprah: Is stillness, stillness. Michael: And my experience is that now you can look at reality and you will know what to do. Oprah: Yes. I think what we’re all ultimately seeking, even when we don’t know it, when I would ask people on the show for years, “What do you want?” everybody would say they want happiness. But aren’t we all ultimately seeking freedom? Michael: Yes. We’re seeking a state of absolute well-being, and that’s what freedom means. Right? Oprah: That’s what it means. Yeah! Michael: And what’s beautiful, is the true freedom is freedom from yourself, not freedom for yourself.

Your vision is for you. And there will be many times when other people can’t see your vision. That’s all right because if God gave you the vision, God will give you the provision. God is not going to bring your provision through your sister’s vision. It’s going to come to you, for you, through you, as soon as you eliminate the deficiencies.”

When best-selling author and spiritual teacher Iyanla Vanzant joined me on the show, I told her that I keep the lesson in forgiveness she shared with me in a little book of quotes I’ve collected over the years: “You can accept or reject the way you are treated by other people, but until you heal the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex, but eventually it will ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories, and make peace with them.” This speaks so clearly to me. Pushing against the need to forgive is like spreading poison in your veins. Surrender to the hurt, loss, resentment, and disappointment. Accept the truth. It did happen and now it’s done. Make a decision to meet the pain as it rises within you and allow it to pass right through. Give yourself permission to let go of the past and step out of your history, into the now. Forgive, and set yourself free.

As a spiritual seeker, I understand that this journey requires you to not only embrace all that is whole and good in your life but also to continually examine the long-buried wounds hidden beneath your carefully crafted surface. This is what I mean when I say, “Turn your wounds into wisdom.

Gretchen Rubin The sense of thankfulness, appreciating the grandeur of everyday life, just the ordinary day, and really taking the time to take it in is absolutely crucial. And then when you have that thankfulness, so many other negative emotions get washed away—resentment, anger, grievances, and grudges—because you’re just so thankful for what you have. Also, it’s better with a sense of humor. It helps me keep my sense of humor, because it helps me keep my sense of perspective.

Marie Forleo Many of us think that in order to find our passion, we have to look outside of ourselves. But I’ve learned that the secret, ironically, to finding your passion is to start bringing passion to everything you do. And I do mean everything. So no matter what task is in front of you, bring as much enthusiasm and energy to it as you possibly can. Whether you’re making the bed, brushing your teeth, or cleaning the cat box, do it like you really want to do it. This one habit can change everything, because we humans are creatures of habit. You can’t be complainy and miserable ninety percent of your day and expect to feel passionate the other ten percent. The willingness to take responsibility for your experience on a moment-to-moment basis is what we’re missing. Most of us don’t realize that passion is an inside job. It’s a muscle that gets stronger the more you use it.

You can’t get mercy unless you give it. You can’t receive compassion unless you give it.

So creating a religion of your own, some people call this a smorgasbord religion. Taking a little bit from this and a little bit from that.

Devon Franklin Oprah: One of the things that you say that really struck me is that if we look at our life as a movie and God as the director of our movie, then we use our faith to help propel us forward in trusting in the director, correct? Devon Franklin: Yes. Absolutely. Because what I realized is that sometimes we, in the most difficult times in our story, we begin to lose faith. Oprah: And start to think we’re in control of things. But all it takes is one wrong turn and we quickly remember that’s just not true. Here is what I love. You say: “The truth is, you and I are in control of only two things: how we prepare for what might happen, and how we respond to what just happened. The moment when things actually do happen belongs to God.” Devon: Amen. Oprah: Brilliant. Brilliant. Devon: It’s true. Because what happens is, the moments when things happen in our life, we don’t control. In a moment, life can change for the better or what in the moment may seem for the worse. So our job is to prepare. Oprah: Prepare for only two things. Devon: That’s right. Oprah: Prepare for what might happen. And then how we respond to what has happened. Devon: That’s right. Because so many times what keeps us in that valley of depression, what keeps us in that valley of frustration, is our response to a moment and not recognizing that it is exactly that. It’s a moment. It’s one scene of your movie. And what makes a great movie are scenes that are put together of great conflict. Oprah: Okay. You also say: “The key is remembering your story. The spiritual journey parallels the steps involved in bringing a movie from the initial idea to theatrical release.” Devon: Yes. Oprah: So you start with the kernel of an idea, a process known as development and production. And development begins when you have the first vision of what you can be, correct? Devon: Exactly. You can’t write a movie unless you know what the movie is supposed to be about. That’s what development is. Sometimes we get so frustrated in our lives, but we have to go back and say, “Wait a minute. Do I understand what the big idea of my life is supposed to be?” If my life is a story, then I have to know the point of my story. And sometimes what happens when we start developing a movie, the producers may have one vision of what the movie is supposed to be and the studio has another version and then the movie becomes nothing because there’s no clarity. So with our life, we have to have clarity of what we’re supposed to do. What do we believe we’re called to do in this life? And then that way it gives our whole development process more shape.

Why are you here? That’s the ultimate question that you get to answer with every action, thought, and feeling. There is a calling on your life. What will be your answer?

Whether it’s watching a sunset, or really feeling the stream of water hit your face in the shower, everyone needs to take time to find a way to quiet themselves. Allowing these moments of awareness and recognizing that it is a magnificent thing to be alive, regardless of what might be pressing on me, has brought a level of calm that words can’t adequately explain. Many of the spiritual teachers who have talked with me on Super Soul Sunday describe the highest state of mindfulness as a “constant state of prayer.” This means acknowledging only what you are experiencing in that moment. The true power of staying in the now means that you resist projecting what might happen in the future or lamenting past mistakes. There will always be times of stress or sadness, but when you feel the earth moving, that’s the time to bring yourself back to center. Whatever shakeup or disturbance that might come, you’ll handle that when it actually happens. But in this moment, you’re still breathing. In this moment, you’ve survived. In this moment, you’re finding a way to step onto higher ground. Today and every day, I continue to do the consciousness work, focusing on prayer and just being still. I awaken, and my first thought is, Thank you, and my next thought is, I’m still here in this body. I feel the All that is God so deeply that it lifts and carries me. Sometimes I actually feel weightless in the love that I call God, because I sense it in all things. The entry point for living consciously is mindfulness.

Jon Kabat-Zinn You know, if you miss the look in your child’s eye one day, you’ve missed it. If you missed the look in your lover’s eyes the next day, you’ve missed that. If you miss the beauty of sitting under trees, well, you’ve missed that. If you sum that over many moments, many years, you may wind up missing the most beautiful aspects of your own life. Who are you going to blame for that? I was too busy? Well, who was too busy? Who tells oneself, “I don’t have any time,” when all you’ve got is time? All you’ve got is this moment. And we might as well take it while we’re alive, because sooner or later, we’re going to be dead. So the perfect moment is this one.