From Twain's lecture at the girls' school: “Never smoke—I mean, don't smoke to excess. Never drink alcohol - that is, don't drink to excess. Never marry—meaning, don't overmarry.
The ballot is the only product that can be sold without authorization.
True indecency is disrespect for a foreign god.
History teaches us that wherever the weak and ignorant people possessed something that the strong and educated people wanted, the former always gave in willingly.
Italy fulfilled its greatest wish - it became independent. But in achieving independence, she won an elephant in the political lottery. And I don't give him anything to eat.
A classic is a book that everyone praises and no one reads.
When your friends start complimenting you on how good you look, it's a sure sign that you're getting older.
When I was fourteen, my father was so stupid that I could hardly bear him; but when I turned twenty-one, I was amazed at how intelligent this old man had become in the last seven years.
When you don't know what to say, tell the truth.
When you read the Bible, you are more amazed by God's ignorance than his omniscience.
When I was younger, I remembered everything: both what was and what wasn't. Now I'm getting old and soon I'll only remember the latter.
Once this was a good hotel, but that means nothing - I was once a good boy too.
The end of his sermon made a strong impression on me, and I regretted that I had not gotten up sooner and heard the beginning.
If a cat has once sat on a hot stove, it will never sit on that hot stove again - and it does well, but it will never sit on a cold one either.
It's easy to call someone wise: it's much harder to convince your friends of it.
Better to be a young dung beetle than an old bird of paradise.
It is better to be silent and look foolish than to open your mouth and dispel doubt forever.
The best way to get courage is to encourage someone else.
The best swordsman in the world should not fear the second best swordsman; nay, he has only to fear the ignorant who has never held a sword in his hand; he does nothing that is expected of him, and therefore an expert is helpless before him.
People are like the moon: each of us has a dark side that we hide from everyone.
Few of us can bear the burden of wealth.
Few things in this world can compare to the boredom that a good translation awakens in us.
Methuselah lived 969 years. You, dear boys and girls, in the next ten years will see more than Methuselah saw in his entire life.
I was awarded the Legion of Honor. However, very few people managed to escape this distinction.
I was praised several times and each time I felt embarrassed, but each time I felt that more could be said.
By the grace of God in our country we have three precious benefits: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the wisdom never to use either.
I usually need more than three weeks to prepare a brilliant impromptu speech.
It often seems to me that it would have been better if Noah and his crew had delayed getting into the ark.
Wrinkles must be just traces of past smiles.
A song without words often produces sadness; and more often - a melody without a melody.