I am right to say: I have been living in this world for seventy years. Actually I live timeless but in this world for so many years.
None of the sins: theft, fornication, murder, and others do 1/100,000th of the harm that the justification of the smallest weakness does. All the atrocities committed by governments and the lies spread by the church are based on such religious, patriotic, socialist justifications.
Elevating marriage to the rank of a mystery, on the one hand, and on the other hand to the rank of the form of the supreme good of life is an ordinary mistake. It's as if eating has been elevated to the rank of mystery or supreme good.
First of all we must understand that there is and cannot be any feat, no kind of heroism, nothing "great". There is only fulfillment and non-fulfilment of duty. It's as if the stableman, cleaning the stables, the plowman or the reaper would talk about what a great feat, what a heroic, great deed they performed yesterday cleaning the stables or finishing plowing the field or mowing the hay.
I read in Kant: Religion is only within the limits of reason. We have the same opinion. Today I read the same thing. I'm so happy we agree. How happy, how grateful. Now, before going to bed I felt almost painfully the desire to pray to God, to ask for his help, to be aware of him, of his help, and it hurts and I am glad to tears. I prayed and asked Him to help me and be with me. And He was and is. And now when I write I am happy to the point of tears. Who is he? He is the one I know through love, and communication with Him exists, and I cannot but express this in the form of a request, a prayer. I cannot but express this communication.
Living in time means living in the past and the future. To build the hypothetical future from the known past. And what happiness you feel when the past is almost gone, like me now, and the future is also gone, but to a lesser extent. And the interest in the past (I really forgot everything) and the future disappeared as the interest in the present, that is, in real life, increased.
The older you are, the shorter the past and the present, the more focused you are on the present. Dying, the full concentration is in (contradictio in adjecto) the timeless moment.
Until now I did not understand the importance of working on my thoughts. This work takes place almost exclusively in the present: today I thought badly, I straightened up, and nothing upsets me anymore. And how important it is! I think about L., about G., about myself, what I will do, and I correct myself immediately. I see that I advance more in this work than in any other.
Having my journal read and copied from it disturbs my writing. I would like to say better, clearer, but there is no need. And I won't do it. I will write as before, without thinking of others, as it happens.
Yes, God breathes through our lives (of all separate creatures). What is He doing through us? We don't know and we can't know. We only know that this is what our life consists of, and if we know it, it is good for us and it is easy for us, the string and our work and His work goes on.
People in our times have no choice: either they perish with certainty by continuing the same way of life, or they fundamentally change their lives *.
Yes, man must obey and place above all only one law, that which is proper to all and whose application brings good to all.
Consciousness of the divinity of your soul is the rational metaphysical basis of life. Love is the manifestation in life of this consciousness of your divinity (the religious basis of life). Restraining the passions, sins, temptations that stand in the way of the manifestation of love is the well-companioned life (the moral foundation).
Yes, there were three categories of people: thieves, beggars and workers. I belong to the first. We thieves are insufferable, but the beggars are worse: one asks for money, another for advice, for a place, for another rescue. Yes, vivre et laisser vivre *. Selfishness is the worst and the best feeling, if you are selfish you don't need anyone but yourself (and God) and you don't need to ask anyone for anything.
To the commandments not to kill, not to steal, not to fornicate, we must add: do not ask.
All that is alive, true, grows unnoticed, and so does true faith in the soul of a man and of all men.
I dreamed that someone gave me a letter or a prayer of the abbot of Optina (I forgot his name), the teaching abbot, and I read and am delighted with this writing. It contains so many wonderful things, quiet, full of old, loving wisdom, but I forgot all but one thing that moved me powerfully: that he can teach no one, nor advise him what to do. He cannot teach him, firstly because he does not consider himself higher and wiser than that, whoever he may be, secondly, because all a man needs to know is told in revelation (so says the old man) and in everyone's heart. And he cannot advise what to do because no one knows and cannot know which circumstance or deed will bring an apparent, corporal, greater good.
For our (true) good and to be in the service of people (fulfilling your purpose in the world) two qualities are needed: 1) to be satisfied with the external conditions in which you live and 2) to always be dissatisfied with your state of mind. Do nothing to change your external state and direct all your forces, concentrate them to perfect your soul. Most people, however, do the opposite: they are permanently satisfied with their soul and themselves, and always dissatisfied with their condition, they strive to improve it and thus harm the soul even more. It is a very important thing especially because [...] for my own good, and this is the essential thing, if I am satisfied with the outside and dissatisfied with the inside, the goal to which I direct my forces lies in my power; in the opposite situation the object to which I direct my forces was not in my power.
Concern for the opinion of men and worldly glory hides, not hides, but diminishes, diminishes the joy of doing good only to meet the needs of your spiritual "I" (God's will).
How strange that I don't feel like looking at the signs of withering of the body: hair loss, a lump on the ear, wrinkles, moles... Why do we rejoice when the body grows, gains strength? Why does the mother rejoice when she is weakened by pregnancy, the one to be born screams with pain and joy, and I, the old man, do not rejoice at the signs of the approach of new life? Out of a bad habit. I was long overdue to let go of him and enjoy the nearness of...I wouldn't want to say death, the new life? (I have no right to say), of approaching a state which is so natural and must be as good as puberty.
We cannot conceive of our life here except in terms of space and time. But we can only have the consciousness of our true life outside of space and time, always in the present moment. And that is why, speaking about life outside the conditions of this life, about life "before" birth and "after" death, we cannot, we must not attribute to it the conditions of space and time, to say where life will be. We only know that the life before birth was and the one after death will be different from the one now, that is, it was not and will not be spatial and temporal. how will it be We don't know, we have no way of knowing.
The best and worst thing is self-love, selfishness. The only question is who is it that I love more than anything? If it is the carnal self, it is bad, if it is the spiritual self, it is the best thing that can be. And this spiritual selfishness of the "I" I felt today for the first time in my life and I felt its benefit. It started with an unpleasant feeling caused by the poor souls. "Isn't that your task, your material, to love the unloving, the repulsive?" And immediately all trouble and heaviness disappeared. And thanks to this solution I have used it a few times today in communicating with people and every time with success. And very, very good. If only I could keep it that way.
We, I, are just talking about how in us and in every man lives, God manifests. But these are not words, it is the undeniable truth. So we must live according to him. But what does it mean to live according to him, the truth according to which God is in every man? It means that when we meet, when we talk with a man, we must remember that we are dealing with the manifestation of God, that is, at every meeting with him, we must be in a pious, prayerful mood. Prayer is the awakening in you of the supreme spiritual state, the remembrance of your religiosity. Communication with man is the secret of communication with God, communion. Oh, that I would always remember this! It's possible. And I will try.
I vividly imagined a short story or a drama where there were no bad, stupid people, all are good and all are innocent. How good it would be and how meaningful the wickedness and guilt of the organization of life would appear against the background of this goodness.
Humanity and every individual passes from one season (saison) to the next, from winter to spring; first I cut the brooks, the willow, the grass, the birch, and the oak, then the flowers, and here are the fruits. It's as if I feel in myself and in humanity the bearing of the fruits.
Self-forgetfulness?! Can you forget yourself when the "I" is only the corporeal "I"? Self-forgetfulness is the giving up of what I wrongly consider to be my own. Self-forgetfulness is the recognition of your divinity, your eternity.
The problem is what man wants to achieve, what is his ideal. If he wants wealth, honors, glory, pleasures, he will have a certain life. If he wants love from all people, he will have a completely different life. It's all about the ideal. If he wants riches, honors, glory, pleasures, man will think how to take more from others to have for himself, how to spend and give less to others. If he wants honors, he will be approving, flattering, submissive to those in power, he will be haughty, he will limit himself to people, he will despise those he does not need to be successful. If he wants glory, he will sacrifice everything, including the lives of others and his own, for the sake of success. If he wants pleasure, he will invent means of increasing pleasures, transforming them and bringing forth even more powerful ones. But if man wants love towards all people, he will remember when he is alone with himself how in his past life, yesterday, today, he did not respect the love of people, how he did, said, thought something bad, unloving, he will think what prevented him from doing it, what faults, temptations, habits, and he will think how to get rid of them.
If he wants love, man will naturally restrain himself in deeds, words, thoughts from those things which for the one who does not live according to the law of love are the main goal in life. He will refrain from agonizing and keeping wealth, from obtaining honors and glory, he will refrain from all pleasures which are not accessible to all and are always acquired by some at the expense of others. People say it's hard. But I say this only because, not feeling the joy of love, I do not know it and do not believe in it.
The great thinkers, Christ, Lao Tzu will reveal the truth, the people below them in spirit, the disciples (Paul), will bring it down, adapt it to the majority. Most will lower it further, invent legends. The wider the circle, the smaller the truth. And then people who are strangers to the faith will appear who will strengthen everything.
Never have I felt such a strong desire to die, a quiet, firm, joyful desire. It seems that I have nothing to do here. Of course, it only seems that way. If I am kept here, I have a job to do and I will do my best to do it. Ohne Hast, ohne Rast * Thank God, thanks to this wish to die my heart is at peace again.